| Shuffle |
[Dec. 9th, 2009|11:51 pm] |
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You wait quietly, shuffling your feet in the snow
Powdered hat, face, nose; powdered feet below
I see the words you speak; I see them float
Down the white-spattered lapels of your coat
And though I strain my ears to hear you speak
I know I dare not hope for light on a day so bleak. |
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| Preparing for Judgement Day |
[Nov. 18th, 2008|02:26 pm] |
I wrote an article for InsIght after a long while. Here goes...
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It’s that time of the year again. Placement season, case studies, puzzles, new clothes, résumés and what not. It’s a time of extreme joy and pain for us IITians. After all, most of us look upon placements as judgement day. The one month in our four (or five) year academic life where companies weigh our achievements, talk to us for a few hours and designate our rightful place in the food chain. With time, our fascination with getting an “A1 job” has only grown. We start to make planned tradeoffs between academics, organizational work and sports starting from our freshman years. Organizations get ranked based on how “successful” their alumni have been and clubs are formed (or joined) to inch closer to the perfect CV, the perfect interview and the perfect job. In a nutshell, we turn placement season into the environment we’re the most comfortable with; a fight-to-the-death competition for the best job on campus. After all, the more others want something, the better it must be. As über-competitive Indians, that’s how we make most of our decisions. It’s been three years since I went through the same phase and acted the exact same way (though at the time, I would have disagreed). I’ve since had several juniors ask me how to make these decisions, forcing me to think about this and talk to my peers and seniors in turn. The next few paragraphs are words of friendly advice, from a senior to a junior. Read More... |
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| Mistletoe |
[Feb. 26th, 2008|02:09 am] |
If there were mistletoe
Hanging concealed
On a hidden ledge perhaps
Would we have walked on without a word?
Or would something more
Have been revealed
In that momentary lapse
That lies still now, in snow interred
More poetry on my website |
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| Snip! |
[Feb. 22nd, 2008|10:17 pm] |
What guides my hand
As I quietly snip away
Images half formed
Half seen, half way And as the pieces fall
Lie scattered at my feet
My mind wanders over them
Weaving them, complete |
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| I am moving |
[Jan. 22nd, 2008|04:09 pm] |
Finally bought myself a domain (apologies for what iamart tells me is called blog-whoring). Please do visit and leave your comments. You can also download this wonderful video from the same site.
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Mirrored Posts
Note to myself this new year: Get a life!
And on that wonderful note I have gone out and spent most of what was already a highly leveraged (consultantspeak) bonus. New additions to my already cluttered household include
Shoes, 2 pairs of jeans, 3 shirs, 3 sweaters, 2 T-shirts, 1 Sports Coat, 1 Tweed Jacket and a Sony DCR SR-42
Most of this thanks to my rabid obsession with Priya Market.
There are parts of my life that are almost inextricably woven with this now very altered maze of consumerism. Not all of them pleasant.
Chewing slowly on my first (and last) mutton burger at McDonalds (pre “I will trash you if you serve anything other than chicken”).
Waiting in line for “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves” open mouthed
Staring at the rich (spoilt?) folk buying stuff I couldn’t afford and promising myself that one day that would change.
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| Dear Brother |
[Dec. 27th, 2007|01:46 am] |
As you mixed up your ‘b’s and ‘d’s
Not so long ago
I saw you wistfully look at me
Hoping I would know
Hoping I would hold you hand
Help you find your way
Around that imminent reprimand
Into a happier day
And as we tore through life
With each passing year
Skipping over the strife
Tearing though our fear
I know I let you go
And I hope not too soon
So you may run the last mile
And leap over the moon
Also posted on my mirror blog |
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| Liar's poker |
[Dec. 21st, 2007|07:35 pm] |
There was once a boy who cried wolf...
While I am sure that the point of the tale was to be truthful, as a child and even now I still wonder why he felt the need to cry wolf in the first place.
A lot of people would put it down to the need for attention, the need to be noticed. It was perhaps that or was it habit.
Its scary when you twist the truth as you say it. Worse still if you start to believe what you say.
Trust me... its intoxicating living in a make believe world.
Especially when you are good enough to make others live in it with you |
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| Moving on |
[Dec. 19th, 2007|03:21 am] |
Scrubs, Season 1, Episode 4 - My Old Lady
"They say that one in every three patients who are admitted to this place will die here. But some days the odds are worse than that. And on days like that the best you can hope for is that you took something from it... Anything... Anything at all. Even if its just lying in the grass and thinking about all the things you have left to do here"
Its amazing how clear life seems when you make a choice. Even if you don't know what it will lead to or whether the choice you've made makes the smallest iota of sense.
We live in a world so circumspect, that entire lives are spent hesitating, worrying and fretting. Where people go through the IIT-IIM-Consulting cycle not because they chose to but because it happened to them.
A world where security defines success and vice versa.
Today, in the span of a few hours the fog lifted and I knew how I was going to spend the next 10 years of my life.
Not what exactly I would do. But very simply how I would spend those years.
Trust me on this, there is a difference.
As to my decisions; there is not much more I can tell you but for the fact that after a year and a half, I feel like blogging again :) |
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| High Fidelity? |
[Dec. 17th, 2007|02:38 am] |
It always amazes me how much of our present is spent trudging through the past. We call it baggage and yet carry it along. Sadly, more often than not its baggage of the bad kind.
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Fidelity in relationships is a funny thing. As a very confused friend of mine once put it (I am not revealing his identity for fear of this statement losing all credibility :D)
"Men are intrinsically polygamous"
So are women, I presume.
We grow up on stories of cheating lovers being killed by the aggreived spouse. On 'moral values' our parents feed us. On soaps asserting how cheating is a bad thing.
The only thing that is certain to me is that cheating is a very confusing thing for sure.
What makes it wrong?
The breach of trust? A crushed ego?
Perhaps just a shattering of the god delusion people get into in relationships. The fact of the matter is that all relationships are fallible, none of them are perfect and to believe that it will not happen is probably the first step towards making it so.
A breach of trust then?
What defines trust. Sex?
There will clearly be two schools of thought here. "Sex is all there is" and "Its not at all about sex" ( read "I am gay" :P )
In either case, the odd snog (or more) shouldn't matter should it?
As long as you can get back to your great ways in the sack all should remain the same. Also none of this should affect the other aspects of what you shared anyway. Unless you keep asking the question
How was it?
Now this can mean only one thing. Your ego is acting up. Again, not something that anyone can do a thing about. Also something that most sensible people will live through. Honestly, at the cost of being repetitive, it shouldn't matter if things go back to as they were.
But thats the problem isn't it? Things never do go back to the way they were. They don't because what has passed somehow remains important to us. So much so that we ruin our happiness in the present and in times to come because of it.
We ask stupid questions... get stupid answers
"Why?"
"I don't know"
"WHy?"
"I don't know"
"WHY?"
If you were to ask me, its all a bunch of bull (now that's a weird phrase)
If the past looms large enough to make what is (in most cases) something great and something that works it is really a shame. A few years from now, we will forget what infidelity means. Till then we will ask stupid questions and get stupid answers. |
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| helen of troy |
[Oct. 27th, 2007|04:31 pm] |
Men died
For Love
For Honour
For you
And yet
In our memories
You remain
Untainted by OUR blood |
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| Magic words |
[Oct. 17th, 2007|02:21 am] |
I sit here writing
What I hope are magic words
So they may reach out
And touch you
Like only I know how |
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| Inside out |
[Oct. 3rd, 2007|02:59 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  restless | ] |
I feel strange today, rather right now. I would call it deja vu but its not. Its precisely the way I felt 4 odd years ago sitting in from of a Sun Microsystems terminal at the Computer Center.
Only that building has now been razed and my life strangely grinds on :).
Its a memory that cheers me up. It was really funny sitting there for hours writing what I can only describe as random heavy metal songs about being trapped and death.
And now I'm there again. Older, fatter and with fingers that creak and ache from typing way too much |
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| Fear |
[Oct. 2nd, 2007|03:03 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | envy, fear | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  irate | ] |
I fear not my love
The green monsters
You place before me
I fear forever the fact
That you wish for them
To be there |
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| Twilight |
[Sep. 23rd, 2007|04:54 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | loneliness, love | ] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Noida | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Air conditioner.. hummmmm | ] |
It is a strange love we share my dear
I sleep through your days
And you through mine
I catch glimpses of you in my sleep
Flickering images, scent and sound
And reach out. Only to awaken
In the twilight of our loneliness |
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| random words in my head |
[Sep. 12th, 2007|12:11 pm] |
Jambalaya
Liar liar pants on fire
Zooropa
Hop, skip and jump to death |
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| Blindspot |
[Sep. 7th, 2007|12:21 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | life, love | ] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  awake | ] |
I lie alone with you tonight
Staring up through the years
Wondering if I was right
In drowning out my fears
I see them not through the haze
That comfort discretely wove
To obscure my searching gaze
With a thin cobweb of love |
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| bittersweet |
[Sep. 6th, 2007|11:36 pm] |
Its strange being on leave.
Not from work, but from the numbness that festers in my head while at work.
I don't like the person I have become. Yet, the person I was wasn't that thrilled either.
In my discussions with people over the years, I have developed the uncanny knack of contradicting myself. Nothing adds up. Its almost as if there are two separate people at war within me. Good bad, leftist rightist, conservative wild, nuts sane. Who am I? What am I?
The past year at BCG, has been a mindfuck and a revelation. I can now do a few things that I had (deliberately) killed off, or at least suppressed before this.
- I can be brutally competitive
- I can 'hang out' with drinkers, smokers and carry forth what I have always believed to be a pointless waste of time.
Am I now more tolerant?
I am not. I have just become numb.
I have spent the last 3 hours reading through old blogs. Mine and those of others. I have also spent the last 5 days on leave. A dangerous cocktail.
The last time I tried this (reading blogs... I haven't had leave in a while) I wound up depressed. Now, I feel angry.
At myself more than anything, for having numbed out (if that is even a word) a significant part of my life. |
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